the night time gets the worst of me.
i realize that sharing these thoughts is extremely risky.
however, i feel the need to vent for fear that if i don't, my head will implode.
subliminal messages or not, this is a breakdown.
yes, i am aware that i seem crazy because it has almost been a year since my life took a turn.
it took a turn for the worst; but also for the best at the same time.
so it took a u-turn? no, maybe more like a 10 point turn.
or maybe it was more back and forth like parallel parking...
{which, i am actually quite good at.}
in any sense, i am still a lost driver on the long and exhausting highway of love, or lack thereof.
i can't help but wonder what it takes.
what will it take to finally feel free?
what will it take to not be reminded by every little thing?
what will it take to just accept the Lord's plan?
what will it take to get to where i am supposed to be?
i certainly don't have any answers to life's little questions,
but i do have faith the will of the Lord.
maybe this is the beginning of learning to finally let go.
maybe it is a cry, or a plea for something; anything.
one thing i know for sure is that it will never be the same.
i'm not saying that it will never again be great, because it will be amazing; but it will be different.
i knew him.
i tried to do everything i possibly could.
i was his for a little while.
i knew how to take care of him.
he helped me grow.
i know i'm better now because of everything.
it's funny how on the outside its never been more finished, done, kaput, over with;
and yet, in the very tip of my heart there is a pilot flame that constantly burns with the hope to rekindle at any moment.
so here's to love not lost,
because it was real,
but to a love that just couldn't seem to find two people at the same time.
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